There is a sentence I've heard uttered many times. I try to brush it off as I'm sure those speaking it don't mean offense, but it's been slowly nagging at me. It's something that maybe you've heard before, maybe you've even said it - "You don't know love until you have children".
To assume this statement is true would mean the feeling I have towards my brothers and my parents, isn't sincere love, that the deep connection I have with my spouse isn't an authentic love, and the emotions I feel towards my friends isn't genuine love. I don't have children but that doesn't mean I don't know what love is. Just because I haven't incubated a human doesn't mean I haven't experienced love.
Perhaps I've chosen not to have kids because of a rough childhood I don't wish to inflict on another human being. Maybe I desperately want children but biology is against me. Maybe the world today isn't the place I want to raise children. Does the reason really matter?
I do believe that the feeling experienced after having children is different, and I do believe that it too, is love. It's a new perspective on love. We just have different perspectives.
I agree, unconditional love is not restricted to parent-child love. Not every parent falls in love with their kid. Society just assumes that's how things go. What about PP Depression and all the stories of mothers abandoning their kids?! What about all the parents who abuse their kids?! That's not unconditional love. It's not a contract by biology, it's a choice!
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you said it.
ReplyDeleteI think often that I wish we, like other languages, had more words for "love." It's not at all fair to have one word for when I want to say, "I love tacos" or "I love my dog" or "I love Jesus." Clearly, those loves are not the same, and we are limited in our expression.
I am assuming I have, at some point, said something along the lines of, "I never knew love before becoming a mom." (Hear me out!) Of course, your love for your family, your husband, are deep and real. I think what parents are trying to express is that parental love is a different kind, but we don't have a different word for it. I certainly don't think that love is limited to offspring you have "incubated" but can extend to adopted children, stepchildren, mentor relationships, etc...
Thank you for saying this, because I would never want to say something that would cause someone who did not want, or was not able, to bear children to feel like they were missing out on love.
I'm sorry that my response was as long as your blog post, and I hope that you are able to hear that my heart toward you is full of love ;)